LovePotionPuckentine
by FourHourShower
Summary: When Goomer imbibes too much of a highly potent, and highly illegal love potion, he becomes too much for Sam, Cat and Dice to handle. Things get a little "dicey". Will their friendship "puckle" under the pressure? (Contains mature suggestive themes. Reader discretion advised.)
1. Chapter 1

#LovePotionPuckentine.

(Chapter 1)

SAM: "Uggghhh! Come on! Stupid pants! Pull UP! How the heck did you ALL get so skinny?"

CAT: "Maybe you eat too many ribs."

Sam Puckett stops struggling with her black jeans for a second.

"Maybe you eat too much fried chicken." Cat Valentine continues cooly from her side of the bedroom.

Sam glares at her roommate with narrowing eyes.

"... Maybe you're just getting fat." remarks Cat with a knowing smile.

Sam walks slowly - comically - across the bedroom, holding the waist of her jeans as they squeeze tightly around her thighs just underneath her buttocks. Oh my gosh, I can't believe I just said buttocks in front my readers.

SAM: "...what? didjyou say?..."

CAT: "... welllll... maybe you consume more caloric energy than you expend during the course of your day to day activities is all. Just sayin'."

Sam's face screws up into a snarl as both her hands reach up to choke a bichon when the doorbell suddenly rings

CAT: "Ding Dong! I'll get it!" squeals Cat as she races out of the bedroom to get the front door.

SAM: "Heh... 'Dong.'" mutters Sam, followed by the phony laugh track.

Cat darts across the living room and opens the front door. Her friends Dice and Goomer walk in.

"Oh hey Dice! Hey Goomer! What's up?"

"Cat," begins Dice "I've got some good news and I've got some bad news."

"Well, you can't win 'em all I guess." remarks Cat.

DICE: "So the good news is, I've been making some money... A LOT of money... selling a new... let's just say... 'potion'."

Cat's eyes and voice suddenly light up like a firecracker "A POTION?! What kind of a potion? A MAGIC potion or some other kind of potion?"

DICE: "Well... that's where the bad news comes in..."

GOOMER: "Hyuk.. heh hehh hehh..." Mumbles a smiling Goomer, as he stares strangely at Cat. "It's not the size of the potion it's the motion in the potion huhh hehh heh."

DICE: "... it's the other kind of potion I guess. It's a new drink that's suppose to make you... you know..."

CAT: "Babble like an idiot?"

DICE: "Well," continues Dice, shyly. "... it makes you... want to... you know... 'love' someone..."

Goomer picks up a lamp from a table and begins to kiss and pet it gently.

DICE: "... or some THING. And Goomer drank a whole bottle of it this morning when you're supposed to only take one teaspoon per day MAX!"

CAT: "Oyyyggghh... I remember what THAT'S like. ... or do I?" recalls a confused looking Cat.

DICE: "I just need you and Sam to help me look after him for a couple of hours until he comes down off this stuff. Please? I can't take him to the hospital because this stuff is illegal in fifty-one states and I don't want anyone to know I'm selling it!"

CAT: "Wow, Dice, this sounds like a really bad idea. I mean... even _I_ think this isn't a very good plan. Putting a large, strong, hopped-up, feeble-minded, love-thirsty MMA fighter in a house with a five year-old boy..."

DICE: "TWELVE!"

CAT: "... and two adorably hilarious teenage girls JEEEZ I WONDER WHAT'S GONNA HAPPEN DICE?! WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG, DICE... if that IS your REAL NAME!?"

Sam unceremoniously walks into the living room wearing no pants but just a tshirt and white panties.

SAM: "So I've decided this might be a new look for me from now on. Sure some will call it lazy. Some may even call it indecent. But Mama calls it 'Freedom.'"

GOOMER: "FREEEEDDDOMMMM!" yells a hopped-up Goomer, as he charges at the unsuspecting Sam with his arms wide open.

"GOOMER NO!" screams Cat and Dice in unison, as the camera zooms into Sam's terrified face just before the opening theme song begins.

(Clap clap) 'I'm never that far... no matter where you are...'


	2. Chapter 2

(Chapter 2)

SAM: "What the heck's the MATTER with him?!" implores a visibly rattled and pantsless Sam, who's fallen onto the living room floor. Dice and Cat have pulled Goomer away and onto the floor, with Cat sitting on Goomer's chest and Dice holding Goomer's arms down.

CAT: "Ohhh Sam, it's horrible!" shouts Cat in a frenzy. "Goomer drank a magic potion and now Dice is going to jail and Goomer thinks you're the lamp and you're not wearing any pants and now Dice is for SURE going to jail and THIS IS ALL DICE'S FAULT!"

DICE: WHOA! MY fault?! Everybody just calm down!" pleads Dice. "Goomer just needs to be supervised for a few hours, and we need to just work together here a little bit, and NOBODY'S going to jail."

SAM: "Eh, jail's not so bad." Dice looks up reluctantly at Sam, who is walking over towards the pile. SAM: "You get free lunch. Meet some interesting people. And best of all, you WON'T HAVE TO DEAL WITH ME!" Sam lunges towards Dice and Goomer but Cat stands up in time to hold her roommate back.

SAM: "What kind of a maniac just throws himself onto a woman like that?"

CAT: "I dunno. That old man from Saturday Night Fever?" responds Cat.

DICE: "Look. It's not entirely his fault. Goomer doesn't know what he's doing right now. In fact, I don't even think he knows where he IS."

GOOMER: "Errrrr I'm in Sam and CAT's house. Lying on the floor."

DICE: "You're not helping, Goomer!" mumbles Dice irritably.

GOOMER "Let me go, Dice! I'm in LOVE!"

DICE: "No. Not until you calm down and I can trust that you'll behave and keep your hands to yourself. You got it?"

Goomer starts thrashing about and kicking the air wildly GOOMER: "FREEDOM! FREEDOM!"

CAT: "Let me take care of this." butts in Cat. She calmly picks up the lamp Goomer fancied earlier, and in a sultry voice says "Hey baby remember me?"

GOOMER: "Ooooh. Perrdy lamp. Hiya babycakes."

CAT: "WELL IT'S NEVER GONNA HAPPEN YOU PERVERT!" yells Cat, as she smashes the lamp down on Goomer's head, knocking him into non-conscious.

SAM: "Whoa! Great thinking, Cat!" says Sam, cheerily.

CAT: "Oh, I wasn't thinking." says Cat, blankly.

DICE: "DUDE! My fighter!" complains Dice. "You nearly killed him!"

SAM: "Aaaah, quit your whining, already." says Sam, as she fetches a bunch of rope from the closet. "He's a professional fighter. One more concussion ain't gonna kill him. Now help me tie him up before he wakes up."

DICE: "Whoa, why do you have all these ropes?"

SAM: "Whoa, why do you have all these questions?"

DICE: "...Never mind."

SAM: "I... never do."

(Cut to Collage Montage)


	3. Chapter 3

(Chapter 3)

In the living room, Goomer is slowly, groggily regaining consciousness and finds himself completely tied up to a chair with an orange ball-gag strapped into his mouth. Sam and Cat stand to either side of him. Sam looking angrily and Cat looking worriedly.

Dice walks into the scene swiftly, holding a small dark bottle of the Love Potion in his hand, reading the label.

DICE: "So here's a list of all the side effects of this Love Potion... ... ... What's with the ball gag? Was that REALLY necessary?"

SAM: "Ehh... I just thought it looked cute on him."

Dice shoots a look that seems to say 'come on, man.'

SAM: "Fine! I'll take it off."

Sam removes the gag from Goomer's mouth. Goomer smacks and licks his lips a bit.

GOOMER (looking curiously at Sam): "It tastes sorta like fried chicken."

Sam, wide-eyed, puffing her cheeks, gently slaps Goomer across the back of his head.

DICE: "Check this. Side effects may include excessive slobbering..."

SAM: "Uggh. How do I get Goomer juice outta my hair?"

DICE: "...rosacea..."

CAT: "Ooh. Rosacea. That's a pretty name."

DICE: "...and moderate to severe heartburn."

GOOMER: "My butt hurts."

(laugh track)

GOOMER: "You guys, where am I?"

Sam and Cat look at eachother nervously.

GOOMER: "My head is killing me. Hey, why am I all tied up? Oh, wait. The last thing I remember... oh yeah... I was eating my morning cereal. And then I accidentally drank some strange bottle Dice had left on the counter right next to my apple juice.

Sam and Cat quickly look towards Dice angrily.

GOOMER: "Then I remember feeling all fuzzy... oh yeah... ... OH NO! I'm so sorry, Sam. I'm sorry I attacked you and I got Goomer juice all over your hair."

SAM: "Ahh, I forgive ya, you blubbering buffoon."

GOOMER: "And I'm sorry, Cat. For defiling your prized lamp from the set of That's A Drag. That lamp must have meant a lot to you."

CAT: "Oh. Well. That's okay, Goomer. I still have other things from That's A Drag. I'm just happy you're safe and back to normal."

GOOMER: "And I'm especially sorry to you, Dice. For all the trouble I keep putting you through. You must have been awfully worried. I'm sorry I can be so clumsy sometimes. I'm sorry I dragged you into this mess."

DICE: "Oh. Hey. That's okay Goomer."

(Dice walks over to hug Goomer as the fake studio audience collectively "Awwwww"s.)

DICE: "Here, let me untie you."

SAM: "Hey, now that we're all back to normal and this whole episode is finishing quicker than we thought it would, how's about we all put on our pants and head on over to Bots? All this heightened emotion is makin' Momma starvin'!"

GOOMER: "I'm just feeling a little dizzy, that's all. Can I lie down and rest my head for a little while first?"

CAT: "Kay kay, Goomer. Come. You can take a nap in my bed."

Cat gently leads a groggy and staggering Goomer out of the living room and towards the bedroom.

DICE (reading the fine-print on the bottle again): "Oh wait there's more!"

SAM: "Heeeeeere we go..."

DICE (reading): "May also cause moderate to severe psychopathic and deceitful behavior. Do not under any circumstances trust anything the patient says for at least FOUR HOURS?!"

SAM: "You idiot! That maniac is in there all alone with that other idiot!"

DICE (hopping and shaking his hands in a panic): "What do we do? What do we do?"

...

Cat is cowering on the floor in the corner of the bedroom looking terrified.

Goomer is standing in the bedroom, wearing a pair of pantyhose over his head. He pulls out a small dark bottle of the Love Potion out of his pocket.

GOOMER: "It rubs the potion on its skin or else it gets the hose again. Hurrr. Get it? Hose?" (Goomer points to the pantyhose on his head.)

Cat lets out a deafening shreeking scream.

Goomer copies the scream awkwardly in his own deep voice.

...

DICE (still hopping and shaking his hands in a panic): "What do we do? What do we do?"

SAM: "Okay Okay, don't panic! Uh... Uh... okay here's the plan."

DICE: "Yeah?"

SAM: "Goomer's in the bedroom all alone with Cat, right?"

DICE: "Right."

SAM: "He's probably gonna be in there for what- five? eighty-five minutes?"

DICE "Uh-huh."

SAM: "So, that gives us more than enough time to get the hell out of here. COME ON!"

DICE: "NO WAIT SAM. Seriously. We gotta help Cat."

SAM: "Uggghhh! You're right, you're right. Uhhh... we can call the cops?"

DICE: "NO! Then I'll be implicated and my business will be ruined!"

SAM: "Oh right, I forgot! The free market always somehow just... fixes its own problems."

Dice looks annoyed at Sam.

SAM: "Okay. You know what? It's time for Dirty Sam Puckett to just gather her courage, and march right in there and tear that shazz-hole a new shazz-hole!"

DICE: "Sam, wait. You don't know how dangerous...!"

... Sam marches straight into the bedroom and suddenly "Ho! Chiz!" takes one step back.

Cat is on Goomer's back having a piggyback ride around and around the bedroom, Cat laughing with delight.

CAT: "Mush doggy! MUSH! Hahahaha!"

GOOMER: "WINNEY! MOOOO! MEEEOOOOOWW!"

CAT: "Look!" (Cat, with a big smile, sticks her hand out to show off a flashy diamond ring) "We're engaged!"

SAM: "Say whaaaaa...?"

Dice walks into the room, and picks up an empty bottle from the bedroom floor. He looks up at Cat still riding along on Goomer's back.

DICE: "Cat. Didjyou...?"

CAT: "YEP! THE WHOOOLE BOTTLE! WEE! WEEEE!"

Dice and Sam slowly look at eachother while the scene fades to black and into some really cool toy commercials.


	4. Chapter 4

(Chapter 4)

Goomer, huffing and puffing, continues to carry Cat around and around the bedroom on a piggyback ride.

DICE (to Sam): "Well, at least they're happy."

SAM: "Mmm... I dunno. I think Goomer's the type of beast who's happier roaming free out in the wild somewhere."

Goomer sets Cat down.

GOOMER: "Whew! I'm pooped. Being engaged is hard!" (drops face-down on to Sam's bed).

CAT (showing off her diamond ring again): "So. You guys coming to the wedding? Sam, you can be my maid of otter."

SAM: "Honor."

CAT: "YAY!"

(Sam rolls her eyes)

DICE (looking proud): "I'm probably gonna be Goomer's best man."

CAT: "Nope. Ring boy."

(Dice looks visibly upset)

CAT (to Sam, in a calm, sultry voice): "But hey, you know what Sam? I'll tell you a secret. Shhhh. Goomer doesn't really mean anything to me." (Cat is gliding the back of her hand gently over Sam's shoulder and down her arm.) "So let's say you and me get a room-"

SAM (dryly): "-We're already in a room."

CAT: "Shush. Don't interrupt you naughty girl (Sam looks a little surprised). Let's say you and me get a room and do... (looking a little more confused) whatever it is that normal people seem to be doing all the time."

SAM: "Making eachother uncomfortable."

CAT: "Ahahaha! And another thing! (Cat suddenly back-hand smacks Sam's thigh kinda hard) Why aren't you wearing any pants? (Smiling, and in a softer voice) Are you... being open to... new things? Are you... experimen...ting?"

SAM: "Be quiet, Cat, before I get you spayed... and / or neutered."

CAT (in gruffy voice): "Ooh I'm Sam! I'm so tough! I like food and murder-psychos."

SAM: "Motorcycles."

CAT: "Oh yeah. Well, whatever... You know, I think that girl underwear is actually a nice look for you instead of those Dirty Sam boxers you wear all the time... It makes you look less like my mean old roommate and reminds me a bit more of... (Cat's eyes light up) MELANIE!"

SAM: "HEY! Don't you DARE say that!"

Goomer suddenly stands up and pulls another bottle of Love Potion right out of his pants.

GOOMER: "Man, I'm thirsty!"

DICE: "WHOA! NO GOOMER!" (Dice grabs Goomer's arm)

SAM: "ANOTHER bottle?! Jeez! Where does this stuff keep coming from?"

GOOMER (reading the bottle's label): "Romania."

SAM (to Dice): "You mean you never bothered to check his pockets to see if he had more on him?!"

DICE (taking the bottle away from Goomer): "Cut us some slack! He's obviously got a problem, okay?"

CAT: "Not anymore he doesn't. Now he has a Kitty Cat, and that's all that he can handle, if you know what I mean." (winks at Dice and hugs Goomer).

SAM: "Mehhh. I don't like this new Cat. She seems like she's missing a few vaccinations."

GOOMER: "Cat and I have a hot date tonight."

CAT: "We're gonna watch a movie."

GOOMER: "In the living room... On the T.V... It'll be extra romantic."

DICE: "Oh. Seems fair."

GOOMER: "And with all the commercials every ten minutes or so, it'll go super long. Yup. Maybe alllll night long. Hurr hur."

CAT: "Ahahaha. (suddenly serious) Don't wait up." (winks at Dice and Sam as she and Goomer walk out of the bedroom hugging closely).

(Cut to Collage Montage)


	5. Chapter 5

**(Chapter 5)**

In the bedroom, Sam is sitting on her bed eating chips or some chiz and Dice is standing at the doorway looking out into the hall.

SAM: "Yo Cupid, how are the gruesome twosome doing in there?"

DICE: (looks down at his pants, then pivots his lower body away at an angle) "THAT'S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!"

SAM: "Hahahaha! No, stupid! I mean how are Cat and Goomer doing?"

 *** In the living room, Goomer and Cat are sitting on the couch, cuddled close together while quietly watching a movie.**

 *** SCENE ON THE T.V SCREEN* :**

SCARED-LOOKING CROOK: "Who... who ARE you?"

RAT-COSTUMED SUPERHERO WITH VERY SCRUFFY VOICE: "I'm Rat Man."

SCARED-LOOKING CROOK: "EEEEEEWWWWWW!"

Goomer and Cat laugh.

 *** Back in the bedroom:**

DICE: "Things seem to be calm. You think we can trust them to keep it that way?"

SAM: "I dunno. You said the love potions wear off after four hours or so?"

DICE: "Something like that. They say that if the love lasts longer than four hours, to call a physician."

SAM: "Or a laundromat."

DICE: "Huh?"

SAM: "Nothing."

Sam picks up a red aluminum can with white handwriting on it and takes a few quick sips from it.

DICE: "Whoa, what are you drinking?"

SAM: "Uh, it's Cakey Cola. The cola that tastes like cake!"

(Dice makes a confused face)

SAM: "You mean to tell me you never heard of it!? Dude, it's been around since like the 1850's! ... Heh. ... come to think of it... legend has it... that the original recipe for Cakey Cola was actually a failed attempt to create a love potion."

DICE: "Really? Failed love potion? But what did it actually do?"

SAM: "I think it sugared you up, made you go nuts and ultimately hate everbody."

DICE: "Huh. Interesting."

CAT'S VOICE (shrieking from the living room): "AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

SAM: "That's Cat!"

Cat runs into the bedroom hysterically.

CAT: "We broke up!"

SAM: "Why?"

CAT: "He ... (whispering, looking very serious) he FARTed."

SAM: "Hahahaha"

CAT: "Sam! It's serious! I can't be with a person who can't... control his functions like... some animal."

SAM: "But barking like one, that was cool for you?"

DICE: "Don't forget smelling like one!" (Sam points at Dice knowingly)

CAT: "Oh Sam I need you now so much! Hold me! Hold me! Please!"

SAM: (after a long pause, makes a sour face and shakes her head.)

CAT: "Oh PLEASE! Just hold me Sam! It was so horrible I just need to smell you!" (Throws her arms around Sam)

SAM (gently pushing Cat away): "Whoa! Not a hugger. Not a holder. Maybe a scratcher. Definitely not a sniffer."

Cat starts to cry. She pulls off her engagement ring and throws it on the floor. Cat suddenly grabs one of Sam's leather jackets hanging from the back of a chair and runs out of the bedroom with it crying.

SAM: "HEY! THIEF!"

DICE: "Stop her! She's still goofy on that love potion junk!"

Sam and Dice chase after Cat into the kitchen. Cat opens the fridge door, turns on both the microwave and blender for no reason, and holds up a cucumber. Sam and Dice stand back a bit, nervously. Cat holds the leather jacket to her nose and takes a big sniff of it.

CAT: "SNNNFFF HUHHHH! Stand back Evil Melanie, or Jack the Jacket gets it! (takes another big sniff of the jacket) SNNNNFFF HUHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

SAM: "HEY! Do you know how hard I had to work to get that jacket past mall security?!"

CAT: "Evil Melanie, I'm warning you!"

DICE: "Sam, this is really freaking me out."

SAM (getting in Dice's face): "Do you STILL wanna be a love-potion dealer?! Do you SEE what you're doing to people's families?!"

DICE: "No way man. That's it. No more. Those days are over."

GOOMER (standing right behind Sam and Dice): "Can I say something?"

(Sam and Dice both jump startled by Goomer)

GOOMER: "Cat, please, please listen to me."

(Cat slowly turns off the blender.)

GOOMER: "I'm sorry I upset you. I wanted this evening to be special for you. I can try harder to consider your feelings next time. I promise. Look. I brought you some flour." (Goomer presents a bag of flour from behind his back). "I always heard that pretty girls love it when boys bring them flours."

CAT (laughing just a little bit): "That's sweet, Goomer. But I think that what I truly want, deep down inside, you can't give to me. I'm sorry. I'm going to bed." (Cat gives Sam her jacket back, and looking dejected, walks back towards the bedroom with the cucumber).

SAM: "Uh, Cat. You forgot the cucumber."

CAT: "No I didn't!"

SAM: "Huhhh...? ... (raises her eyebrows, knowingly) Ohhhhhh."

(Laugh track. Fade to toy commercials.)


	6. Chapter 6

**(Chapter 6)**

From the living room, Sam and Dice can hear very fast and brutally loud Thrash Metal music blaring from behind the bedroom door. Cat can be heard screaming and apparently smashing things.

Goomer is sitting on the living room floor, mumbling to the broken lamp while clumsily trying to fit the pieces back together.

GOOMER: "You never judge me the way they do. Whenever the world gets dark, I just tighten your bulb, plug you in, turn your knob, yank your chain, and you become all warm and hot to the touch, and you come to life, lighting my way. How could they do this to you? They're just jealous of our love, that's all."

(Dice just quiety looks at Goomer with a concerned look on his face)

SAM (listening to Cat's screaming and smashing): "She's going friggin' crazy in there. I'm scared that she might hurt herself."

DICE: "Wait. Sam, did you notice how much Goomer kind of calmed down as soon as we just let him show his affection for that stupid lamp?"

SAM: "Hmm..."

DICE: "And did you also notice how much Goomer kind of calmed down as soon as Cat started loving him in return?"

SAM: "So what?"

DICE: "Well, maybe to calm Cat down, all you need to do is... (Sam makes curious face) you know... love her in return."

SAM: "Me? Show love? Pffha! Why don't YOU do it?"

DICE: "I'm TWELVE! Highly inappropriate!"

SAM: "Oh yeah."

(Sam looks over towards the bedroom, pensively. She looks back over to Dice. Dice raises his hands in a "I don't know" gesture. Sam looks over at Goomer. Goomer is staring into a lightbulb, chuckling quietly).

(Sam reluctantly walks over to the bedroom door and tries to open it.)

SAM: "It's locked."

DICE: "Well, maybe try talking to her anyway."

SAM: (sighs, knocks on the door) "Cat? (Sam makes a cringing face) I know you're mad at me right now but... I truly, deeply... care about you (makes a painful face towards Dice. Dice makes a wide grin with a thumbs up.)

SAM (continues): "As much as you think I'm just an evil version of my sister, I want to tell you that I'm more than just an 'Evil Melanie' here, but this is the REAL Sam... 'Puckle' speaking to you now."

(The metal music abruptly stops. Silence.)

SAM (continues): "This is the Sam Puckel who, when she saw a fellow human being in danger, she risked her own safety and saved Cat Valentine from that garbage truck because she couldn't stand seeing, yet again, another potentially good human being being left for the trash.

"This is the Sam Puckel who, when she saw you were heartbroken when your favorite TV show suddenly ended, did everything in her power to help keep your joyous memories of that show alive. And not just let that part of your life suddenly... disappear... like... (quietly) like a plane to Italy, ... into the night.

"And... ... this is the Sam Puckett who deep down... is scared of giving and receiving affection because maybe... maybe she's had her own hopes and dreams stepped on too many times to actually have the courage to keep trying. ... But, if you let me in now, I have a feeling we can, together, heal our friendship in a way where... both of our needs can be, well... nurtured. Or... at least respected."

(The door unlocks. Sam gives a thumbs up to Dice, opens the door, and walks in.)

GOOMER (still sitting on floor, wiping away tears): "SNFF. That was beautiful. (Picks up the lamp) Why don't YOU ever say nice things like that?!"

(Laugh track. Collage Montage)


	7. Chapter 7

**(Chapter 7)**

Sam walks into the bedroom to find Cat sitting on her bed. Sam sits down next to Cat. Sam immediately picks up a teddy bear which was impaled with the cucumber stuck right through its torso. "Whooo. He's... bear-ly alive, heh heh." Cat smiles at Sam's remark.

SAM: "Look, kiddo, I -. Uh- ... Hmm."

Sam feels she's run out of words. So she looks Cat in the eye, and holds her arms wide open, inviting Cat for a hug. Cat looks nervously at Sam for a moment.

CAT: "Sam, I'm really scared. I'm scared, that if I tell you the truth, you'll never, ever forgive me."

SAM: "Cat, I'm not sure what you're getting at right now, but I have a feeling the truth will hurt me much less than any lies will. I give you my word, no matter what you tell me now, I will keep my cool and not be so quick to judge."

CAT: (sighs). "Okay. Sam? You promise not to get mad?"

SAM: "I swear on this bearcumber's life."

CAT: (sighs). "Okay. Sam, I never drank that Love Potion. I just pretended to so I could have an excuse to... well... I guess, just to see... how close I can actually get to you. Maybe if I pretended to drink the potion, then anything I do and say to you you'd think was the potion's fault, and not mine. But when you were still pushing me away, I felt like it was hopeless. Like I was such a fool. But now I just feel horrible because I was just trickering you and I feel so dishonest now I've betrayed your trust."

Sam is slightly pressing her lips together, like she's holding in some cuss words.

SAM: (sighs). "Hey Cat?"

Cat looks at Sam with a guilty face.

SAM: (smiles) "That was the most deliciously dishonest thing you have EVER done."

Cat smiles. "Heh."

SAM (opens up her arms again): "You know, I'm still not wearing any pants. And Momma's gettin' cold."

CAT: "Yay!"

Cat jumps into Sam's arms and gives her a big hug. Sam actually hugs back, hard.

CAT: "From maid of otter, to my belching bride!"

SAM: "Well, hey. Let's... let's not get carried away... Oooh. You know? This hugging stuff actually feels kinda really good!"

Cat starts purring in Sam's ear, which makes Sam laugh. Sam and Cat lock eyes for a moment. Sam gives Cat a slow, soft peck on the lips. Cat smiles.

SAM: "Maybe I can get used to this."

CAT: "Wait, so, you wanted to... cuddle... with me, too?"

SAM: "I dunno, it's weird. I didn't ever think I wanted to before today. But now, for some strange reason, I just feel really cozy and cuddly. I feel, I feel, like, this feels right you know?"

Cat, smiling, sits next to Sam's side and puts her arm over Sam's shoulders. Sam picks up the teddy bear impaled with the cucumber.

SAM: "Man! You really took your frustration out on this bear!"

CAT: "No, I wasn't angry at the teddy. This is just a little contraption I picked up from MacGyver. Watch, I'll show you."

The camera moves slowly away from Sam and Cat...

SAM'S VOICE: "Wow! An ingenious feat of engineering!"

...and towards the bedroom window, where that boy Randy is looking in from the outside...

SAM'S VOICE: "Wait, Cat, what're you doing?"

Randy's jaw drops...

SAM: "..whoa... Whoa... HO! WHOAH! WHOO!"

... and his eyes open WIDE.

RANDY: "I'm... ... RANDY!" (Randy smiles and nods his head.) (Laugh track, of course.)


	8. Chapter 8

**(Chapter 8)**

In the living room.

DICE: "Well, it's been four hours, Goomer. How do you feel?"

GOOMER (lying face down on the couch, groaning): "Uggghh... shut up, Dice. Turn off the lights."

Goomer lifts his head gingerly with his eyes squinting.

GOOMER: "Why isn't Sam wearing any pants?"

SAM: "It's a free country!"

(Laugh track)

CAT: "Whew! Can you imagine if I actually drank that crazy potion stuff? I'm so small and petite, it would all go straight to my head... or my feet."

DICE: "Wait. Cat, you mean you never actually drank that Love Potion bottle?"

CAT: "Nope!"

DICE: "Nope?"

CAT: "Nope! I just pretended to to see if that would calm Goomer down. Which it did!"

SAM: "Then... where exactly did you empty the bottle?"

CAT: "Into a can of Cakey Cola I found in the bedroom. Oh yeah, I almost forgot to tell you. Sam, be careful. Don't drink that can of Cakey Cola that's in the bedroom."

Sam stares at Cat for a moment, then Sam slowly looks over at Dice with a pensive face and the two lock eyes for an awkwardly long time.

Sam slowly runs her fingers through Dice's curly hair.

Dice just smiles awkwardly and Toddles nervously from side to side.

(Laugh track. That "oh oh oh oh" music they play at the end.)

THE END.

* * *

 **So, this was my first foray into fan fiction, EVER. I had a lot of fun writing this, and I hope some of you like it. I especially hope I didn't offend any fans of the show, nor any Puckentinians. Feel free to comment and critique, good or bad, just let it loose. I'd love to hear all your opinions.**


End file.
